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Looking at my AT&T bill, there are data charges for times I’m home asleep. You know, home. Where my phone is connected to WiFi.

  • 1 year ago
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Gave candy to 192 kids over a period of two hours. Only one of them called me “old.”

  • 1 year ago
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You can’t see the grilled onions, but they made the sandwich. http://t.co/uS4H3JeC

  • 1 year ago
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Rainy day project: Installed an outlet in the basement, which allowed me to retire three extension cords that’ve been in place for years.

  • 1 year ago
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RT @joeks: Smoke alarms are the shittiest things ever. @Nest should do them next.

  • 1 year ago
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I am not your monkey! I do not perform on command! *clang* *clang* *clang* *clang* *clang*

  • 1 year ago
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Remember that kerning game a few weeks back? Here’s one for drawing letters: http://t.co/wE5PavjO

  • 1 year ago
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Microsoft has so much wasted visionary talent. Seeing stuff like this makes me sad for those folks: http://t.co/0vfcKwiR (via @scottdday)

  • 1 year ago
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Uh oh. No food or drink in the sanctuary.

  • 1 year ago
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Straight out of Hollywood, serial rapist attacks four women who were in the same sorority 30 years ago: http://t.co/FdZQ8Ltq

  • 1 year ago
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Headline of the day: ‘Bizarre neo-swastika reminiscent of “The Great Dictator” used as power symbol by OWS leaders’ http://t.co/xS3N1iDw

  • 1 year ago
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It’s 1pm on a Sunday & I’m sitting in beltway traffic.

  • 1 year ago
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I knew I should’ve shredded those yearbooks.

  • 1 year ago
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Baseball cards sold on eBay go for 20% less when they’re held by dark-skinned hands: http://t.co/DxJ0ufWC

  • 1 year ago
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Interesting. http://t.co/Nb1uFtg0 was created by @jasonzada, the same guy who did Elf Yourself: http://t.co/qr271V92

  • 1 year ago
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